Berserker Yuna
by Ice wind1
Summary: Yuna gets stuck in the Berserker dressphere. Can Spira survive the hyper ex summoner? Will the Celsius crew go mad? Read to find out. Oneshot Please Read and Review!


(Hey everyone! Ok so firstly, i suppose this is suppose to be funny...but i don't know, it might it might not be...anyway. I Just got an idea with the Berserker dressphere, Yuna and hyperness and the idea skyrocketed! Next thing i know i'm writing this, but i don't think it's as hyper as i wanted it to be...anyway! Please enjoy!)

Berserker Yuna

One dark, cold and stormy night aboard the Celsius. The wind was howling, the fog clung to the windows, the rain pounded on the ships hull. And every now and then the rooms were light by pure white light from a lightning strike. We join the crew on one of the most terrifying…horror filled nights of their young lives…

"…Anna?" Her small light voice asked only a whisper "Anna? Is that you?"

The crew's eyes focused on the screen, tension growing till the point it could be cut with a knife. They watched with unshakeable interest as she moved closer to the cupboard. Her hand reaching ever so slowly and carefully for the handle. Rikku stuffed some popcorn in her mouth, eyes transfixed on the screen. Brother covered his eyes and peered out through his fingers. Buddy was shaking uncontrollable spilling his fruit smoothy all over himself. Shinra dived behind the couch desperate bid to stop himself from wetting his pants. Paine slouched trying to get comfy. Yuna yawned trying to not fall asleep.

"Wahhhahahahahah!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Rikku, Buddy and Brother all dived behind the couch to join Shinra in hiding.

"It's just a movie…" Paine sighed as she went over and ejected the tape.

The four still didn't move from behind the couch, they were down to hugging each other crying. Paine sighed heavily to herself and stomped over to try and entice them out with popcorn. Meanwhile Yuna had popped off to answer a call of nature.

Closing the bathroom door behind her Yuna stepped into the cabin. She knew that the others were going to watch another movie but…if the next one was as boring as the first she'd die of boredom. Yuna stared into space, which finally led to a daydream, which linked to her getting some coffee, which then may or may not have enticed her to jump on her bed with her shoes on singing 'I love rock and roll'. All bounced out Yuna and slightly hyper from the coffee, Yuna's brain started to cook up a plan. Instantly the gunner started to pile through her garmetgrid's trying to find the one she needed, she grinned wickedly and changed.

"Wonder where Yunie is?" Rikku looked to Paine for her answer. Paine just shrugged. "Yunie! Hurry up your miss the-" She caught the glimpse of something as she turned round…something lurking in the shadow. "…Doctor P…" Rikku shook Paine's arm gently her voice fearful.

"What?!" Paine asked irritated "What is it?!"

Right at that moment there was the sound of a light footstep. The two girls froze eye's locking on each other's faces in pure fright. The three boys sat ridged, Brother letting out a small whimper. The five pair's of eyes drew round as a dark form started to rise up from behind the couch. A set of horns, pearly white glimmering and a deadly set of sharpened claws on each huge hand.

"…Rikku…" The form growled demonically, Rikku whimpered in response. "…I…need…" Rikku swallowed hard getting closer and closer to wetting herself. "A HUG!!" It chirped tackling Rikku of the couch.

Rikku blinked. Paine stared. Shinra and Buddy cried with relief. Brother ran off to the toilet a wet string of farts following him. Rikku blinked again. Yuna sat straddled atop her with her arms locked around her waist, rubbing her cheek against Rikku's. Paine's eyes fell under a dark shadow below her fringe, Rikku started to register what was going on. Buddy and Shinra watched on at the oh-so-lesbian moment, which involved a warrior cat dressed Yuna. Shinra's nose started to bleed. Rikku finally realised what was going on.

"Yunie!? Get offa me!!" The Al-Bhed flapped her arms around trying to get her cousin off of her.

Yuna thinking it more as a game holds on tighter a huge pussycat smile spread across her extremely happy features. A slight snigger is heard over the racket, all eyes are drawn to Paine. The black clad warrior's eyes are hidden under a shadow, her face an expressionless mask…Paine bursts out laughing pointing at the two cousins. In fact she laughing so hard that tears are forming in her eyes.

"Shut up Paine!! You big MEANIE!!" Rikku almost blasts every window on the ship out…but Paine keeps laughing.

The pale morning light falls on a pair of closed lids, they stir but finally admit defeat and flutter open. The green spiralling orbs watch the ceiling sleepily before closing and begin rubbed by the back of a hand. Rikku yawns sleepily rubbing her eyes and throws the covers of herself. She actually does _throw_ the covers of herself, because they land on Barkeep's head as he passes below. Rikku makes her way to the breakfast still in her yellow pyjamas, her hair a frizzy mess and dragging her plush Tonberry with her. A cry for help reached Rikku's ears.

"Meesh Rikku. Help mesh can't sheee!" Rikku cringed as poor Barkeep walked right into one of the steel walls. She slipped out leaving her Tonberry in her place.

Finally at the breakfast table we join the Gullwings as they have their morning cereal. Paine is spooning her Weatabix lethargically her eyelids drooping every now and then. Brother is facedown in whatever he was eating, Buddy and Shinra are enjoying a bowl of sugar puffs. Rikku is just about to get her very first spoonful when…_Where Yunie?_

"Weeeeee!!" Yuna comes sliding across the table still in her Berserker Dressphere.

Cereal goes everywhere! Bowls go flying, Yuna crashes at the end of the table, Paine falls asleep, Rikku starts crying from not being able to get her morning sugar dose, Buddy and Shinra look at Yuna as she has a fit of giggles and Brother's still sleeping. The others (Including Rikku who's stopped crying and Paine who's woken up) all look at each other then at Yuna who's still giggling…they all sigh…it was going to be a long day.

As the Celsius's bay doors slowly start to open, the captain porridge head Brother (his porridge oats hardened while he was sleeping and the bowls stuck to his head…no one wants to help him get it off) gets the ship lined up with the dock. Stupidly Rikku steps into thin air and goes for a morning bath in the Luca waters. Yuna and Paine elegantly jump from the ship landing on the dock, Paine barely makes the ledge.

"10 out of 10 for the dive Rikku!" Yuna claps her paws as Rikku stomps over soaking wet.

"The sooner we get her back to normal the better" Paine whispers to Rikku.

Rikku just shakes the water of herself and murmurs something under her breath in Al Bhed.

"What was that?!" Paine turned sharply, she'd caught something about herself and coconuts.

"Nothing! Nothing!" Rikku said quickly wringing a handful of her hair. When Paine turned her back she added "Eteud…"

Paine cracked her knuckles "Hurt time…" She turned slowly only to find Rikku half way through throwing herself into the dock. And something dawned on Paine "Great…where's Yuna got off to?"

In a very busy street in Luca, we join Yuna as she surfs through a crowd. Well not really…lets just say everyone is moving out the way. Would you stand in front of a girl dressed in fur, wearing armour. Who's running around pretending she's an airship blowing a constant raspberry? Probably not. Most that see the ex-High Summoner have a look of confusion, the old folks just start getting into an argument about 'back in their day'…but who really cares. Just then something caught Yuna's eye.

"Shinny!" Yuna sprinted over to the street stall. Glass plates, necklaces, knick nacks and a wide range of other things were set out on the stall. "…Shinny…" Yuna slurred becoming completely engrossed in the many objects.

"Thank you! Come again loves!" Leblanc waved off another satisfied customer. _Ahh, this is the life…Helping the fashionably challenged find their way. And who better a person to show them but- _Leblanc almost jumped ten feet high when her eyes caught the sight. _The Gullwings?! _Her thoughts became frantic as she pinched herself to make sure Yuna was real. _Stay calm, just act natural. _Leblanc took a breath and went over "Hello! May I help you?" She asked perkily.

Yuna break her gaze from an extra shinny necklace. "Yes! How much for this necklace?" Which she'd been starring at for the past fifteen minutes, while Leblanc was making a string of panicked faces after seeing Yuna.

"Oh!" Leblanc mentally sighed with relief knowing she hadn't been discovered. "30 gil!"

Yuna patted herself over looking for anything thing she had to pay with. "Will this do?" She smiled holding up 3 gil, a paperclip and some pocket lint.

"Sorry loves…no sale" Leblanc states simply. Yuna's eyes start to water. "What are you?" Yuna sniffs whipping her eyes and her body starting to shake. "Oh no your not getting me with that on!" Leblanc states firmly as Yuna starts to hiccup her tears building, a crowd gathering. "Oh Yevon please don't c-"

"WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Yuna starts bawling "You're soooo MEAN!! Your hair looks stupid anyway!!"

WHAT?!" Leblanc roars as the former Summoner runs off crying her eyes out.

Curled up in a corner in Luca we find Yuna sobbing, between the sobs and hiccups we can hear a set of footsteps approaching.

"Hey there little kitty!" A voice coos, Yuna looks up tears still streaming down her face. "Awe the little kitty is all upset!" Gippal kneels down putting his shopping down and patting the so-called _'kitty' _on the head.

"Uh…Gippal?" Baralai, who isn't far off from Gippal, tries to get his attention.

"Awe who's a nice little kitty witty? Your are! You are!" Gippal strokes and tickles Yuna speaking in a babyish voice, as she giggles lightly.

"Gippal?" Baralai tries a little louder this time.

"What's in the bag huh? What's in the bag? What's in the bag kitty witty?" Gippal screws up his eyes. He doesn't take in that the '_kitty_' just pick up his shopping and I looking through it…very easily in fact.

"Gippal!" Baralai snaps in annoyance, Gippal turns to look at him. "That isn't a cat…that's Lady Yuna…" Gippal looks at him like he's grown two heads. Baralai sighs "The cat is a person…" Gippal still looks at him like he has two heads…no wait, it's more like three now. Meanwhile Yuna's found a yo-yo and has start playing with it, she somehow manages to smack the balloon vendor on the other side of the square with it.

"Wait" Gippal asks after thirty minutes of solid thinking "Your telling me that kitty cat…is not a kitty cat" Baralai nods slowly. "So that means…" Gippal goes back into deep thought, turns to look at Yuna who waves at him, paces for ten minutes straight. Has a shot at Yuna's yo-yo, pokes Baralai with a stick in the ribs, does some maths on his fingers, scratches his chin, plays marco pollo with himself, plays with the kitty(Yuna) some more, does some more maths on his fingers. "That's Yuna in the Berserker Dressphere!!" Baralai breaks from a pleasant nap at Gippal's outburst only to be grabbed and shook by Gippal. "Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?!"

While Gippal is shaking Baralai, Yuna crawls over on all fours. She stops short of Gippal and grabs a leg of his trouser then sits on her knees. "I-want-to-play-some-more" She gives a light tug for each word.

Gippal jumps behind Baralai with a girlish scream. Baralai sighs and comes down to Yuna's level.

"Lady Yuna, I think it's about time we take you home." He tells Yuna in a gentle caring voice as he helps her to her feet.

"Okay!" Yuna says happily "That means I get to go play with Rikku!" Her eyes shine with joy and she giggles sweetly, Gippal lets out a little whimper.

We follow the three as they go on their way to the docks. Baralai leading the way, Gippal in the middle and Yuna skipping along merrily at the back. Getting bored and tired of skipping along, Yuna starts playing with her yo-yo…again. And at the back of Gippal's head, it comes closer, closer, closer and now it brushes the hairs on the back of his head. And **SNAP!** The yo-yo breaks off the string and goes air-born. Yuna pouts looking at the left over string (she forgot how strong she is in Berserker). _Oh poopie…_she thinks to herself dropping the string in a nearby bin. Her eyes widen. _What's that smell? _Her nose searches the air for the wonderful scent that fills her senses. _Mmm it smells so yummy! _And with her nose to the sky Yuna wanders off in search of the thing causing that yummy smell.

Crouched low and tucked away from sight Rikku and Paine patiently lay in wait. Paine's eyes are trained on the fish that sits in the middle of the ally, a barely visible length of fishing line connects from the fish's mouth to the robe Paine's holding.

"This isn't going to work Doctor P!" Rikku rubs her eyes like she hasn't had sleep for five days. She gets no response from Paine "Hello?! Paine?! This isn't going to-"

"Shh!" Paine sends Rikku a glare which Rikku returns "Someone's coming…" Rikku just mutters in Al Bhed to herself

Though Rikku's mutterings die down as a very apparent, very loud sniffing can be heard. A hunched over shadow slips into the ally…the two hold their breath, this might not be Yuna. The features are blacked out, only the hunched over shape is visible…and two other features. The sharp long silver claws…and the glowing red eyes. Rikku feelings her fear climbing to new heights as the shadow focused on the fish. Fought back the overwhelming urge to run as it drew closer to the twos hiding place. How demonic and animalistic it breathing sounded even the most hardened Crusader would run from this thing…even Sin would hightail it! And slowly as those glowing red eyes started to scream bloody murder…the lips started to part unveiling the set of pearly whites. And then the shadow done and said something…that caused Rikku to blink.

"FISH!!" Yuna pounced taking a huge bite out of the said object.

Paine threw herself to her feet, boot anchored to the sturdy wooden step in front of her. And with one mighty heave "Wooo! Got me a Marlin!!" She yelled reeling in her catch, Yuna wildly flopping around on the line.

Some time later…

Rikku and Paine came up the ramp to the Celsius, Paine with a huge brown swag bag over her shoulder. The engines roared and the airship pulled away from Luca. The bag was kicking around the floor with muffled screams of protest emitting from it. Paine gave a sigh regaining her last nerve before she undone the rope around the top of the bag. Yuna popped out taking a huge breath (still in her Berserker dressphere mind you).

"I could have suffocated in there!!" Yuna pointed a finger, sorry, I mean claw at Paine.

"Your point?" Was Paine's simple response

"Well I could have-" Yuna went on to tell every single little thing that could have happened to her. Also during her speech various anime emotions and elements came into play. Her arms were frailing around, and if you look closely. You can see the vain standing out on the back of Paine's head, the blank look on Rikku's face (just the big confused eye, you know what I'm on about). And the sweat drops on both Shinra and Buddy's heads…Brother's just standing there drooling with a love heart over his head and in his eyes. Finally out of breath Yuna bows her head going into gloom mood along with little raining cloud. The crew go back to the stations, Paine retreats to the cabin to get away from all the madness. Brother is the only one still standing there, we'll skip to when he goes over to Yuna (he stood there for like two hours before his little brain noticed).

"Don't not worry Yuna!! I would not put you in bag to take you home!! You can belevie in me!!" The windows almost broke from the screaming…oh sorry that's Brother's voice. Rikku was mulling over knocking Brother out with her shoe to keep him quiet.

Yuna looked up, the gloom cloud dissipated. Yuna pulled her arms in her face beginning to go red and a look of holding back coming over her face. Rikku turned in time to notice and stuffed some nearby cotton wool in her ears…she know what was coming. Buddy quickly shoved on a pair of earphones and turned the volume way up…Shinra knocked himself out.

"BROTHER!!" Yuna cried super happy anime style, complete with happy background and arms…paws up towards the sky.

This scared the poop out of Brother, which made him turn to run when Yuna tackled him (not like I'm going to make her tackle him from the front! There's no telling what he'd do!!). Well in Yuna's happy moment she didn't relies that her claws were ripping Brother's back apart. The Al Bhed is screaming for his sister to help him and is trying to claw away on the floor…he's scratched marks in the floor. The door to the bridge opens and Paine steps through arms behind her back.

"Yuna!" She gains the Berserker's attention. "If you're a good little girl and come out of that dressphere you'll get a present!" We see Paine's eye twitch, Yuna quickly gets off Brother and runs over.

"What do I get! What do I get!" She cries with joy jumping on the spot. Paine tosses the prize gently at Yuna who catches it with ease. Yuna's face grows soft on the thing she's holding, the black hair and the emo fringe, the tiny black top and blue jeans. The adorable confused look on its face it could only be a…a…a. "A Ice wind plussie!!" Yuna squealed giving the chibi Icewind a huge hug.

"But you've got to go change to keep it" Paine reminded her.

" 'Kay" Yuna was skipping off to the cabin already. The chibi Icewind's face had started turning blue.

"Uh…Paine?" Paine turned to Rikku how was looking a little uneasy. "How in the name of Yevon did you get one of those??…"

"…Well…"

Flashback…"Hey Ice wind! I need a favour?" Paine watched as the said author turned his attention to her"Sure thing!" He smiled

"_Well…" In the split second after Paine pulled a Chibifire laser gun and shot the author with it._

"_What have you done to me??" Came the high pitched tone of Ice wind in his chibi form. Paine easily picked him up placing him on her shoulder_

"_You my dear friend, are going to help save Spira" She began walking of with the little Ice wind now kicking his legs around happily._

"_Do I get a cookie?" Came the cute voice after a long pause._

_Paine sighed "Yes…you get a cookie…"_

"_Yay!"_

End of flashback

Now night and tucked up in her bed, Paine wakes up lightly to the sound of her door. She frowns when she doesn't see anyone pass through but she unsteadily looks down afterwards. The chibi Ice wind falls over trying to push the heavy door open, he's got multiple bandages on various parts of his body.

"Can I go home now?" The little voice asks, Paine smiles a little idea coming into her head.

"In the morning. Why don't you wrap up in my bed if Yuna's being to rough?" Paine fights to hide the smile that's playing her lips.

After a moment of silence while he stood there thinking about it "No thanks, I pass!"

Cue the little cry of horror and the roar the door bursting open and the little Ice wind running for his life. Paine sprinted after him eyes full of fury and sword held high above her head (so high in fact it was cutting into the roof!). Yuna comes out of her room to answer natures call, her hair a mess and rubbing her eyes (she was stuck in Berserker for like 12 hours and more hyper than Rikku to boot). The chibi Ice wind and Paine dash past, Yuna blinks. The two rush off into the darkness of the corridor…Yuna just goes back to her room and closes the door quietly not wanting to get involved.

(sighs...glad everythings back to normal (massages neck) I'm still a bit sore from being chibified. Anyway, thank you for reading this! It took me ages to do...i've had a really bad case of writers block and have been having a hard time with this one. I some to be over it now so i'll try and get some more stuff up! Leave a review if you want!)


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